🎧 Listen to the podcast episode above to hear these thoughts in my own voice and words. While the written portion below captures the key points, the raw, unfiltered audio version shares my authentic experience directly with you. I encourage you to listen if you can—there's something special about hearing someone work through their thoughts in real-time, especially on topics this personal and complex.
Note: The written portion of this post was generated using AI based on my original podcast episode above. I explain why I make this choice as a disabled creator in both the audio and written versions below. If you want to hear my genuine, unfiltered thoughts on this topic, including my real-time processing of these complex issues, please listen to the podcast episode—it's the most authentic way to engage with this content.
Hey beautiful souls,
I'm writing to you from my couch today, with rain sounds playing softly in the background—not because it's actually raining, but because these sounds help regulate my nervous system and prevent sensory overload. I wanted to have an honest, nuanced conversation about something I've been wrestling with: the complex reality of running a business as a disabled, neurodivergent person in late-stage capitalism.
On Spoons and Limited Energy
For those unfamiliar with spoon theory, imagine starting each day with a limited number of spoons. Each task—whether it's showering, writing, or managing your business—costs you one or more spoons. As a disabled person, I start with fewer spoons than most, and they deplete quickly.
Let me be specific about my disabilities because context matters here:
Autism and ADHD (affecting executive function and sensory processing)
PMDD (severely impacting energy levels throughout my cycle)
PTSD and depression
Possible dysautonomia (requiring use of a shower chair)
Digestive issues requiring daily supplements
Sleep difficulties requiring melatonin
Various allergies requiring daily medication
On a daily basis, I feel sluggish and operate at a reduced capacity compared to the average person. While I appear able-bodied enough to "pass" (which is its own privilege), internally, I experience something entirely different.
The Reality of My Current Situation
Here's what my life actually looks like:
Graduate student earning a poverty-line income ($32K/year)
Running a business on the side
Supporting and partially housing a younger sibling
Participating in leftist coalitions and community work
Managing multiple health conditions and medications & daily living tasks
Living in an apartment that costs nearly $2K/month, leaving only $600 for everything else
Why I Use AI (And My Guilt About It)
This brings me to something I need to be completely transparent about: I use AI to help write my content, including this post. Here's why:
Time and Energy Constraints: With autism and ADHD, writing takes me an extraordinarily long time. My ADHD makes it difficult to focus and find precise language, while my autism drives me to meticulously perfect every sentence.
Financial Necessity: My graduate student stipend barely covers rent. I need to grow my business, but I can't dedicate the same time and energy that other entrepreneurs do.
Accessibility: AI allows me to transform my spoken thoughts (like this podcast episode) into written content that's clear and organized, while preserving my core messages and values.
I've felt guilty about this, especially knowing the pushback against AI in many online spaces. I understand the concerns—it can feel like it diminishes the effort of those who dedicate time to their craft. But I believe we need to make space for people like me who would love to write everything from scratch but simply don't have the capacity in our current system.
The Nuance of Ethics Under Capitalism
This situation perfectly illustrates the complexity of "no ethical consumption under capitalism." While we understand this phrase intellectually, experiencing it personally reveals deeper nuances:
My use of AI has good intentions—it makes business ownership more accessible for me as a disabled person
It allows me to show up consistently for my community
It helps me preserve energy for creating valuable paid offerings
But it comes with ethical implications that I grapple with daily
Moving Forward: Transparency and Growth
After much reflection, I'm committing to:
Being explicitly clear about my use of AI in my content
Linking to this episode to provide context about why I make this choice
Focusing my preserved energy on developing valuable paid offerings
Finding ways to make my membership more equitable while ensuring sustainable income
Current Projects and Support
I'm currently working on:
A mini-course (coming in the next few weeks)
A masterclass (already recorded)
Digital PDFs and toolkits
These offerings will be released incrementally as my energy allows. I'm learning to balance perfection with efficiency, breaking down deliverables into manageable pieces that honor my limitations while still providing value.
Why Your Support Matters
If you're able to support my work through a paid membership ($50/month or $600/year), you're directly helping:
A disabled, non-binary black creator at the poverty line
Someone supporting a younger sibling
The creation of resources for our community
A voice advocating for disability rights and accessibility
Your subscription helps me work toward a larger apartment where both my sibling and I can have the space we need, especially considering my sensory needs and overstimulation challenges.
The Deeper Truth
There's a more profound message here about late-stage capitalism, disability, and the myth of perfect ethical choices. When we're multiply marginalized and struggling to survive, sometimes we have to make complicated choices. The key is being honest about these choices while continuing to push for systemic change.
We need more nuance in our discussions about ethics, accessibility, and survival. The left's tendency toward purity politics often obscures the complex realities of disabled and marginalized people trying to build sustainable lives within an unsustainable system.
Action Steps for Fellow Disabled Entrepreneurs:
Audit Your Energy:
Track your daily spoons
Identify energy-intensive tasks
Note patterns in your capacity
Optimize Your Systems:
Consider what tools (including AI) could help preserve energy
Break down large tasks into smaller pieces
Create processes that honor your limitations
Practice Transparency:
Be open about your methods and limitations
Share your journey with your community
Challenge perfectionist tendencies
Build Sustainable Support:
Identify what help you need
Create clear boundaries
Price your work for sustainability
With honesty and hope,
Nyssa
P.S. If you resonated with this post, please consider supporting my work through a paid membership. Your support directly enables me to create more resources while maintaining transparency about my methods and limitations. Together, we can build a more nuanced understanding of ethical business practices that include disabled voices.
This written post was generated using AI based on my original podcast episode, allowing me to preserve energy while still sharing valuable insights with my community. For the most authentic experience of my thoughts and feelings on this topic, I encourage you to listen to the podcast episode above—it's me, unfiltered and thinking through these issues in real-time. Thank you for understanding and supporting my journey.
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