AI-GENERATED CONTENT NOTICE: This post was created with AI assistance due to my current life circumstances and increased responsibilities as mentioned in my previous episode on running a business. While the ideas, experiences, and voice are authentically mine, AI helped organize my thoughts from the audio transcript into this written format.
Hey radiant souls,
It's been a minute since we've connected, and I want to start by acknowledging that. Life has been...intense. New familial responsibilities have emerged, making me busier than I've ever been before. But in the midst of this chaos, something beautiful is happening:
I'm transforming. Again.
Those of you who listened to my latest podcast episode of "Pensively" already know what I'm about to dive into, but for those who haven't had a chance to tune in (or who prefer reading to listening), I wanted to share these thoughts with you in written form as well.
Quarter Life Crisis: It's Real and I'm In It
Now at 24 years of age, I'm deep in what psychologist Satya Doyle Byock calls the "quarter life" phase—that period in our 20s and early 30s marked by confusion, anxiety, and a burning desire to find meaning and purpose. And I'm feeling it hard.
I first heard about this concept while watching a Spongebob video essay (yes, really—sometimes wisdom comes from unexpected places!). The essay mentioned Byock's book "Quarter Life: The Search for Self in Early Adulthood," which explores the unique challenges faced by those of us in this transitional stage.
And let me tell you, when I heard about the four pillars of quarter life growth that Byock identifies, I felt seen in a way I hadn't before.
My Quarter Life Reality Check
If I'm being completely honest with myself (and now with you), I'm deeply dissatisfied with where I am. Not because my life is terrible—it's actually much better than it was five years ago when I lived with my parents in abject poverty and toxicity. But because it's not aligned with who I truly am and what I truly want.
Society makes all these promises about what should happen in our mid-20s: getting a stable job, buying a house, getting married, maybe even having kids. None of that has happened for me. And while I'm starting to understand that I don't necessarily have to follow society's prescribed path, I'm still grappling with what my own path should look like instead.
Looking through the lens of Byock's four pillars of quarter life growth, here's what's coming up for me:
1. Meaning: The Multi-Passionate Struggle
I'm currently pursuing my master's degree in plant sciences, and while I love my research, academia has a way of demanding your entire identity. There's this unspoken expectation that you'll throw work-life balance out the window and dedicate your whole existence to your field of study.
But here's the thing: I'm multi-passionate. I love science AND spirituality AND community organizing AND creative expression. Academia wants me to pick one lane and stay in it, and that feels like a betrayal of my authentic self.
Every time I try to divide my time—to make space for all parts of who I am—I can feel the friction from those above me. They don't tell you about this friction when they're recruiting you because, honestly, they just want your labor. They want to use you to advance their research, meet paper quotas, and gain prestige.
It's almost as if I have to fit into a mold set by arbitrary standards that, to me, are regressive. Standards that make me feel like I don't belong.
2. Belonging: The Outsider Within
Speaking of belonging—this is another major struggle for me right now.
Thankfully, I've found a beautiful community through my local organizing work. I have dear friends who see and accept me for who I am. But the majority of my time is spent in academic environments where I constantly feel like an outsider.
The legacy of academia has always catered to white men and their perspectives and needs. Marginalized people are typically relegated to research subjects, and the few of us who manage to enter these spaces often experience constant microaggressions that tell us we don't belong.
I constantly feel like I have to mask who I am to save face. And while I understand there's some nuance to masking—sometimes we do it for survival—I still try to radically embody myself whenever possible. But finding that balance is hard, especially when unmasking might have consequences I haven't anticipated.
3. Balance: The Great Academic Lie
Let me be crystal clear: work-life balance doesn't exist in academia.
We're made to be cogs in a machine. We aren't allowed to just BE. We aren't allowed to tend to our needs while making a good faith effort to advance scientific discovery.
Everything we do is under the scrutiny of our superiors, who often overstep our boundaries and extract our labor for low wages—VERY low wages, especially in this economy (those in the US know exactly what I'm talking about).
All of this just so they can meet a paper quota, get into some top scholarly journal, appeal to academic politics, secure tenureship, and earn greater prestige.
Honestly, it's sickening. It's just another example of the perils of late-stage capitalism.
And don't even get me started on the students who've fallen for the scam that is academia—the grift. They've bought into it so completely that they're willing to kiss up to the higher-ups just to get ahead, often at the expense of their peers.
In academia, and honestly in any workplace, it's all an individualist pursuit disguised as a cooperative one. They'll have team-building events and office lunches and pretend we're all one big happy community, but it's all bullshit. It's only skin deep.
4. Compassion: The Radical Need
Right now, I'm trying to be compassionate with myself, but it's hard when I'm constantly reminded that I don't matter in my work environment.
Even those who seem well-meaning often haven't reached the level of class consciousness or personal development that would allow them to extend the kind of compassion I need. Because I've done that work (and continue to do it), I can't fully engage with people who don't have the depth needed to understand true radical anarchist compassion.
It's easy to dismiss the ones who I can tell will never get it—the capitalist grifters. But it's even harder with those who are well-meaning, where I have to keep myself at a distance for my own well-being.
I want to feel like I matter to someone. And while I do have that with my close friends, I wish I could experience it everywhere I go—at work, at school, in every interaction.
What I long for is a society where we all engage in true radical anarchist compassion—a kind of compassion that looks at the human being with love first. The kind that asks, "How can I get to know you, and how can you get to know me so that we can nourish one another?" Rather than the default capitalist question: "What can I get out of you, and how can I manipulate you to get what I want at your expense?"
Why This Inner Work Matters Now
From what I understand about Byock's work, engaging in this transformative, deep development in early adulthood is crucial because it will have lasting effects on the rest of your life.
If we don't do this inner work now, when the midlife crisis hits (and we've all heard about that), it's going to be even harder. I've seen my parents and other elders who clearly haven't done this work, and let me tell you, it's not pretty. (Sorry, Gen X—no shade intended!)
I don't want to waste my life being stuck in crises I can't overcome. That feels like a life wasted to me.
So right now, I'm hyper-focusing on my goals and overall life vision. I want to upgrade my life in a way that fulfills all these aspects of quarter life growth, and more that has to do particularly with me.
I've Done This Before. I Can Do It Again.
This isn't my first transformation journey. At 20, I went from living in abject poverty with my parents and stuck in toxicity and abuse to living on my own with roommates, feeling free, and even getting a car (though I did get into an accident—that's another story you can find in my October Instagram posts).
I know I have the skills to complete this journey, and I'm going to see it through.
An Invitation To Join Me
As I wrap up this reflection, I want to extend an invitation to you, my community.
If you're also fed up with the way things are, if you don't like where your life is going or how you feel, I invite you to embark on this glow-up journey alongside me.
I know transformation is possible because I've experienced it firsthand. And I want those of you who are on that precipice of change to take that leap with me.
Because here's what I know to be true: when we liberate ourselves at a microcosmic scale, we expand our consciousness. If we can nourish our individual lives and immediate surroundings, it becomes possible to liberate the collective.
I want to encourage you to take those first steps toward a different life—to give yourself hope that transformation is possible and that you can see it through.
A Gift For Your Transformation Journey
As a token of my appreciation for being part of this community, I've created something special for you:
The Rhythmic Life Starter Kit - A free high-value Notion template including:
A transformative mindset shift about why you're NOT lazy
A gentle three-step somatic check-in practice
An energy-based decision-making framework that honors your unique pace
These are the exact tools I've used in my past transformations and am using in my current one. They'll help you move from burnout to alignment, especially if you're a highly sensitive soul ready to break free and reconnect with your inner wisdom.
[DOWNLOAD THE FREE RHYTHMIC LIFE STARTER KIT HERE]
What's Coming Up In This Space
I promise (and I'm holding myself accountable by saying this publicly) that in the upcoming weeks, I'll be releasing weekly episodes exploring:
How to transform from feeling overwhelmed and disconnected to becoming grounded and intuitive
Practical manifestation techniques that honor your trauma journey - helping you rebuild self-trust and connect with your inner wisdom
Releasing the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in patterns of "not enough" or feeling "too much"
Creating sustainable aligned routines that work with your unique neurodivergent traits - Supporting your journey towards empowered well-being, especially if you're disabled or chronically ill
More Than Just Content—A Community
Remember that this platform—both this newsletter and the Pensively podcast—is more than just content. It's a nurturing community where we explore shadow work, healing, manifestation, and personal development in a way that honors your unique journey as a person with multiple intersecting identities.
Whether you're neurodivergent, queer, BIPOC, or like me—a combination of these and other marginalized identities—this space is for you.
Thank you for being here, for listening, for witnessing. Sharing my truth with you has been healing during this challenging time of transformation.
Remember: Our individual transformations aren't just personal victories—they're proof that another way of being is possible, for ourselves and ultimately for our collective liberation. The work starts within, but its impact extends far beyond us.
With radical love and compassion,
Nyssa
P.S. You can find me on Instagram, Threads, and YouTube @nyssandey, or follow the newsletter accounts @rootsofradiantfutures on Instagram and Threads for more exclusive content you won't find on the podcast.
AI-GENERATED CONTENT DISCLOSURE: This post was crafted with AI assistance based on the audio transcript from my podcast episode on this topic. While the experiences, perspectives, and voice are authentically mine, AI helped format and structure this written version. For more about why I'm incorporating AI into my content creation process while managing increased life responsibilities, check out The Messy Truth About Running a Business.
