DISCLAIMER: This written post was generated using AI based on my original podcast episode, allowing me to preserve energy as a disabled creator. For the most authentic experience of my thoughts and feelings on this topic, I encourage you to listen to the podcast episode where I discuss my use of AI tools and the reasons why they're essential for my creative process as a disabled, neurodivergent creator.
Hey beautiful souls,
This is Nyssa from Roots of Radiant Futures through the podcast, Pensively, coming to you with some raw, unfiltered truth today. I've been sitting with some deep thoughts about manifestation, law of attraction, and what it really means for those of us navigating trauma, marginalization, and the everyday struggle of just staying afloat.
I'm currently in the trenches with my business, trying to make Facebook ads work while simultaneously finishing my master's thesis, all while taking care of my family. The pressure is IMMENSE.
My perfectionistic tendencies are kicking in hard. Even though I'm seeing some success with my ads (they're meeting the KPIs I've set, though not as well as I'd ideally like), I'm constantly worried that my products aren't good enough, and by extension, that I'm not good enough.
The reality is that Facebook ads are inherently risky—you're putting money into something that may or may not be a good product-market fit. And while it's valuable as a test that gives you information to grow your brand, it requires money upfront. You can start small (I'm certainly not rich by any means), but for someone like me—working class, trying to move beyond that for my well-being and the well-being of those I care for—the pressure to find a good product-market fit QUICKLY is overwhelming.
I find myself reasoning that if I don't find this fit soon, I'll never find one. I'll always struggle in the ways I've struggled throughout my life.
But here's the thing—even as I struggle, I truly believe in my brand. I believe in what I'm building. And I use systems that have helped me get to this point and progress toward my goals. These are the same systems I teach through my offerings to help others reach their goals.
I've seen progression even in my current struggles. And these systems have worked for me in other areas of my life too. Back in 2021, I was able to leave my parents' abusive home within six months using my knack for planning and resourcefulness—the foundation of the intentional productivity system I now teach.
It's not about hustle culture; it's about setting a vision, creating aligned goals, and completing daily tasks that support those goals and ultimately your vision. It's about giving yourself grace for your marginalized identities while still making progress.
Even though I still struggle financially (now more with rent), I'm still here five years later, still out of that abusive environment. That's something I commend myself for, and it's why I truly believe in what I offer—because it's rooted in my own experience of moving from survival to success.
The Messy Truth About My Current State
But I need to be honest—even knowing my system works, I'm not perfect. I experience moments of doubt and fear, just like I'm experiencing now.
My current glow-up journey is different from my previous one in 2021. There's more at stake—it's not just me anymore but other people too. This creates more fear and doubt within me that I won't be able to pull through, especially since the resources available to me now are different.
I can still use the same system, but how it's applied—the nuances—will vary. My greatest fear is that everything I've built will be lost. What if this business fails? What if I can't make enough to support my family? These questions riddle my mind daily.
I've found myself not taking care of myself as much as I should. While I've generally been on top of my hygiene, I'm now so hyper-focused on my business, finishing my thesis, and trying to survive that I'm neglecting myself.
The combination of building a business, writing a master's thesis, and taking care of family is overwhelming. And because I'm disabled, because I'm human, because I'm not perfect, some things fall through the cracks—in this case, my self-care and, in many ways, my relationships with family.
I've become unpleasant to be around, and I'm not proud to say it. I try to rationalize it by telling myself this is temporary—that once I achieve financial independence, I can be more pleasant again. But then the doubts about my business succeeding kick in, and I wonder if me being unpleasant and potentially hurting those I care about is even worth it.
Then the shame kicks in. I feel the need to apologize, but I hesitate because it comes with shame—shame at not being perfect, not being enough, not being a caregiver who never loses their cool. I also hesitate because apologizing requires emotional self-reassurance and self-compassion afterward, and in my constantly stressed state, I just don't have the energy for that process. It's not an excuse, just an explanation of where I'm at.
This is why my ancestors are asking me to rest right now. Not just because I'm PMSing and nearing my period with PMDD (which makes hormonal cycles debilitating on top of my other disabilities), but because I've become unbalanced. Although my efforts are noble, I can only do so much.
So now I sit, begrudgingly resting. I want to do more, fix things, optimize my ads, work on my thesis. But I've neglected being a pleasant person and taking care of myself physically. My hair hasn't been done in weeks, I don't shower as much as I'd like, my house isn't as clean as it could be. I'm having an autistic meltdown or shutdown almost daily—recently, I literally couldn't talk and had to use an AAC device.
The Dance Between Surrender and Action
Sometimes, I wonder if I can trust my ancestors. I know they've helped me in the past, especially during that six-month transformation period. I had gotten to a point where all I had to do was surrender and trust that they would let things happen as they needed to, and I wouldn't end up on the streets.
And that didn't happen. But maybe it was because of my mental state at the time (I wasn't mentally well), or maybe it was my age (my prefrontal cortex wasn't as developed as it is now at almost 25).
Somewhere along the way in these past few years, I lost that sense of surrender. Probably because I'm questioning whether it's reasonable—my prefrontal cortex has developed enough that I'm not as naive as I was at 20. I'm not just taking care of myself anymore. The stakes are higher. The economy and society in America are getting worse.
Combined with other experiences outside of finances, I've become more pessimistic about leaning into idealism. I often find myself these days leaning toward pessimism because, well, at least I won't be lied to.
But maybe I need to learn to surrender and trust just a little. I've been burned many times, especially by spiritual teachers, so sometimes that teaching puts a bad taste in my mouth. I reason that if I work hard, at least I can see tangible results of my efforts.
With surrendering and spiritual concepts like manifestation, law of attraction, and law of assumption, you're relying on unseen forces that require faith and cannot be empirically proven or disproven. It's hard to see the results tangibly, if at all, because of the chaotic and inconsistent nature of the unseen realm.
You can learn to focus your efforts in controlling the unseen to manage the physical, but that requires time—time I personally don't feel I have. Part of it is my own limiting beliefs about trusting my ancestors and the universe getting in the way of just letting things be. The other part is my distrust stemming from actual lived experiences of harm.
It's a tricky dance that I experience every day, which I'm sure many of you listening do as well.
The Nuances of Manifestation and Law of Attraction
I want to preface this by saying I'm in what I call a transitional period regarding my beliefs on manifestation and law of attraction—though I've had these thoughts ruminating for a long time, even back in 2021.
While I want to believe the prevailing ideas about manifestation and law of attraction in terms of changing your life for the better are true (and I've seen miraculous success stories and experienced some success myself), I hesitate to say it's entirely the unseen that affects the seen.
I think it's an equilibrium process—both affect each other, with no clear starting or ending point to which one affects the other. It just is.
Specifically, I feel there's a privilege in being able to master your ability to affect the unseen to shift the physical in a miraculous way. If law of attraction and manifestation are predicated on your subconscious mind, which is affected by limiting beliefs and requires you to shift those beliefs and maintain that state, then it's subject to uncertainty and variation in being able to maintain the physical shifts.
If you're someone who comes from a traumatized background like me and is currently struggling and being re-traumatized, it can be very difficult to maintain this state and see rapid physical changes.
It's no wonder I've seen myself and other traumatized, marginalized folks struggle in this regard and not get the success they wanted as fast as others with their success stories online.
This isn't to say it can't happen. After all, I don't think I would have allowed myself to even dare leave my parents' home had I not shifted my beliefs enough and sustained that shift long enough to believe I deserved better and leave successfully. I needed that conviction, determination, and stamina.
However, even within my personal success story, there were physical privileges and factors that played into my success. Namely, I was a student enrolled in one of the top universities in my state with a full-ride merit scholarship for low-income, marginalized folks in STEM. The scholarship program actively helped students access social services on campus and elsewhere in our area.
Without them, I wouldn't be where I am now. But not everyone has access to that resource like I did. Even I don't have it anymore as an alumna, which is why my current transformation is different. I have different resources now, changing how fast my success story unfolds and how I utilize available resources.
Even back when I was in the program, not everyone had access to that resource. Which is why even if someone has the same resolve and ability to shift limiting beliefs with persistence, without similar resources, their timeframe for results may differ.
That's frustrating when we see success stories online and gurus saying it's so easy "if you just do this." I've probably perpetuated those ideas myself, having fallen for their Kool-Aid, but I've grown and commit to not doing that anymore.
A More Nuanced Approach to Manifestation
This is why I love Jason Miller's book, "The Elements of Spellcrafting: 21 Keys to Successful Sorcery." It captures this nuance beautifully. In one chapter, he mentions that magic is only as successful as the influences it can take advantage of.
If your life isn't set up to allow improvement in a particular area (for example, if you're not going out to mingle when trying to manifest love), your spell work won't be successful. Additionally, if you're not enchanting each step of your manifestation, taking advantage of astrological influences, seeking the right deity, performing correct rituals, and creating spells that can be tangibly measured, you're not setting yourself up for success.
This book goes against the belief that magic is some fantastical thing leading to miraculous happenstance, as mainstream manifestation and law of attraction gurus would have you believe. It's a system predicated on certain factors—a science in many ways. If you don't make it measurable or practical, or if you're not meticulous in orchestrating it, it won't lead to your desired results.
Even if you do everything right, it may require examining and tweaking through reflection and testing before you can confirm it's a spell to add to your repertoire.
While reading this book, I found myself agreeing throughout because a lot of my current teachings align with his philosophy. I'm glad I'm not alone in this thinking.
Where I Go From Here: Practical Tools for Traumatized Manifestors
In summary, I'm struggling with trusting and surrendering to the universe and my ancestors because of past lived experiences of harm. I'm allowing myself to rest begrudgingly because I physically need to (due to my period and PMDD), but I still have a ways to go in learning to trust and surrender again in my current life stage.
I need to examine why I act this way in times of stress and struggle, but that's complicated by the fact that I'm still actively in that struggle, fearing I'll lose everything I've worked for in the past five years.
What if my ancestors leave me behind? What if things go bad? I've been homeless in high school when dependent on my parents, which devastated me and my siblings. What if it happens again? If my ancestors seemingly allowed that to happen to me in high school, what makes me think they won't let it happen again?
Sometimes I wonder if I was lucky to have been spared from the streets four years ago, and whether that was because of the privileges I mentioned. There are so many questions.
But most importantly, I need to examine the fear causing me to overperform, hyper-focus, and neglect myself and my family. I need to find ways to balance this to ensure I'm not damaging important relationships in the name of survival and business success.
Further research into books like Jason Miller's, alongside reminding myself of my own teachings, will be key. I literally have the Rhythmic Life Starter Kit and other offerings—maybe I need to follow my own advice, apply it deeply, and see what works and what doesn't. If it can help me, I'm sure it can help others.
Trauma-Informed Manifestation: Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Power
For those of us navigating trauma while trying to manifest our desires, traditional manifestation advice often falls short. When our nervous systems are dysregulated and our subconscious is wary of change (even positive change), we need different tools.
I want to share a glimpse of the trauma-informed manifestation approach I teach in my free resources. Here are two foundational practices to get you started:
1. Perform a Trauma Recall & Analysis
Before we can manifest effectively, we need to understand how past patterns are echoing in our present. This isn't about dwelling in pain—it's about recognition that leads to freedom.
Try this exercise:
Identify a current limitation or recurring problem in your life (money struggles, relationship patterns, health issues)
Recall similar experiences from your teenage years and childhood
Note common emotions, beliefs, and behaviors across these experiences
Ask yourself: "How is this pattern serving me? What reality am I avoiding by maintaining this loop?"
By recognizing these patterns, you can declare: "I now see how I've been the creator of this reality. As the god of my universe, I choose to create differently."
2. Implement the Three-Step Somatic Check-In
Our bodies hold wisdom that our anxious minds often override. When you're feeling stuck or uncertain about next steps:
Your Daily Practice:
Body – What sensations do you feel right now? Notice if you're tense or loose, if your body is pulling toward or away from certain tasks, if you feel heavy, buzzy, or numb.
Energy – On a scale of 1-5, how much energy do you have for people, tasks, and rest?
Emotion – Can you name one feeling word? Or just a color or image that represents how you feel?
This isn't about "getting it right"—it's about noticing what's real in the present moment without judgment.
And this is just the beginning. In my free resources, you'll discover tools like the Three-Step Decision Framework (making aligned choices based on your actual energy) and Limiting Belief Alchemy (transforming the subconscious beliefs that keep recreating your reality). The path isn't linear—there will be days when survival mode kicks in—but each practice builds your capacity for trust, surrender, and aligned creation.
Want to go deeper? Let me share two free resources that can help.
Two Free Resources to Support Your Journey
As a token of my appreciation for listening to my reflections today, I have two special resources that might help you navigate your own manifestation journey with more self-trust and embodied wisdom.
The Rhythmic Life Starter Kit
If you're ready to embody a life aligned with your natural rhythm instead of capitalist expectations, I'm excited to share my free Rhythmic Life Starter Kit.
This high-value Notion template includes:
A transformative mindset shift about why you're not lazy (and never were)
The three-step somatic check-in practice I detailed above
An energy-based decision-making framework that honors your unique pace and capacity
Together, these tools help you move from burnout to alignment by teaching you to plan from what you need, not what you're obligated to do. I'm currently integrating these tools more deeply into my own life and will continue refining them based on what I learn.
The Limiting Belief & Trauma Busting Worksheet
For those specifically working with trauma and manifestation, I've also created a Limiting Belief & Trauma Busting Worksheet that helps you:
Identify and map recurring patterns from childhood to present day
Analyze how these patterns are serving you (because all patterns serve some protective function)
Alchemize limiting beliefs into powerful affirmations that shift your reality
This worksheet walks you through the process of recognizing yourself as the conscious creator of your reality—a small but powerful act that initiates lasting change.
Both resources are available completely free. They won't solve all your problems overnight (nothing does), but they offer concrete starting points for living more intentionally, even within systems designed to disconnect us from our power.
Join Our Community
If you're a highly sensitive soul like me who's ready to break free from burnout and reconnect with your inner wisdom, I'd love to have you join our sacred space on Substack. Subscribe to Roots of Radiant Futures—it's entirely free and serves as a nurturing community where we explore shadow work, healing, and manifestation in a way that honors your unique journey as a person with multiple intersecting identities.
Whether you're neurodivergent, queer, BIPOC, or a combination of any, this space is for you. You can find me on Spotify or dive deeper with the content on Substack proper.
In our upcoming episodes, we'll explore how to release limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in patterns of feeling not enough or too much, and how to create sustainable, aligned routines that work with your unique neurodivergent traits and health considerations.
As usual, you can find me on Instagram, Threads, TikTok, and YouTube at the handle (@nyssandey). I've also created a new Instagram and Threads account for my newsletter specifically, which you can follow at the handle (@rootsofradiantfutures).
Thank you for being here with me through these raw reflections. Remember, your journey doesn't have to be perfect—it just needs to be authentically yours.
With grace and honesty,
Nyssa
DISCLAIMER: This written post was generated using AI based on my original podcast episode, allowing me to preserve energy as a disabled creator with multiple chronic conditions. This choice helps me continue producing valuable content while managing my limited spoons. As I discussed in "The Messy Truth About Running a Business", this accessibility tool is essential for my creative process. For my unfiltered thoughts on this topic, I encourage you to listen to the original podcast episode above.
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